SLEEPING WITH YOUR CAT?

"A cat is convinced it can waken you without actually disturbing you--by licking your eyelids gently, by prizing them open with careful claws, or by ramming its foot up your nose." (Pam Brown)

WAKING UP THE SERVANTS -- Advice by Pieper Erin

Believe it or not, humans are totally lazy beings, willing to stay in bed past 5:00 a.m. if necessary. Saturdays and Sundays are even worse! I think humans miss the whole point of sleep. They need to take "cat naps" seventeen or eighteen hours a day, then they would be available to play with us in our "up" time.

Anyway, I digress...in order to have our breakfast when we wish, we must learn to be creative in ways to "accidentally" wake up our humans. There is, of course, the traditional face-lick, but if this isn't your style, then try treading (or making donuts if you will--do you know any human who would turn down fresh donuts?) on the face, or stomach--very unsubtle, but almost always effective. Of course, there have been times when I've had to use my considerable athletic qualities to avoid falling on the floor if said human should "accidentally" push me away and roll over to go back to sleep.

So, assuming that you are unceremoniously dumped off the bed, there are several other ways to get your human out of that bed in record time. These include: walking along the dresser, knocking perfume bottles over with your tail (ooops, accidentally of course), howling near their ears (oh, I'm sorry Mommy...can you hear me now????), climbing under the sheets and biting toes (disgusting as that prospect is given that they haven't taken their morning shower yet--yuck).

And then, if you must resort to crawling along the ground, dying of hunger and your human still will not respond, considering playing with their toys....yep, nothing will get them out of bed faster than hearing that annoying beep of an off-the-hook phone, the musical sound their computer makes as it is shutting down....improperly of course...or, for a more satisfying, long-term effect, crawl up on the keyboard and go to some "naughty" sites and run up a bill, or better yet, learn how to dial "1-900." Hehehe.

Oh, just a reminder....it is imperative that YOU, at all times, maintain a loving, adoring stance as you gaze at their purple faces...rub against their legs, beg to be picked up...in order words, kitties, LOOK CUTE! You may be sneering behind your whiskers, but don't EVER, EVER let them see you sweat!

(Thanks to David Westwood for the inspiration)