Friday, December 12, 2008
WAKING UP THE SERVANTS -- Advice by Pieper Erin
Believe it or not, humans are totally lazy beings, willing to stay in bed past 5:00 a.m. if necessary. Saturdays and Sundays are even worse! I think humans miss the whole point of sleep. They need to take "cat naps" seventeen or eighteen hours a day, then they would be available to play with us in our "up" time.
Anyway, I digress...in order to have our breakfast when we wish, we must learn to be creative in ways to "accidentally" wake up our humans. There is, of course, the traditional face-lick, but if this isn't your style, then try treading (or making donuts if you will--do you know any human who would turn down fresh donuts?) on the face, or stomach--very unsubtle, but almost always effective. Of course, there have been times when I've had to use my considerable athletic qualities to avoid falling on the floor if said human should "accidentally" push me away and roll over to go back to sleep.
So, assuming that you are unceremoniously dumped off the bed, there are several other ways to get your human out of that bed in record time. These include: walking along the dresser, knocking perfume bottles over with your tail (ooops, accidentally of course), howling near their ears (oh, I'm sorry Mommy...can you hear me now????), climbing under the sheets and biting toes (disgusting as that prospect is given that they haven't taken their morning shower yet--yuck).
And then, if you must resort to crawling along the ground, dying of hunger and your human still will not respond, considering playing with their toys....yep, nothing will get them out of bed faster than hearing that annoying beep of an off-the-hook phone, the musical sound their computer makes as it is shutting down....improperly of course...or, for a more satisfying, long-term effect, crawl up on the keyboard and go to some "naughty" sites and run up a bill, or better yet, learn how to dial "1-900." Hehehe.
Oh, just a reminder....it is imperative that YOU, at all times, maintain a loving, adoring stance as you gaze at their purple faces...rub against their legs, beg to be picked up...in order words, kitties, LOOK CUTE! You may be sneering behind your whiskers, but don't EVER, EVER let them see you sweat!
(Thanks to David Westwood for the inspiration)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The largest recorded number of kittens born in a lifetime of fertility to a single female cat is 420! Ouch....how does this kitty girl keep her girlish figure?
DID YOU KNOW??
In an average year, cat owners in the US spend $215 billion on cat food--and $295 million on kitty litter--and that's for the cat! If the economy continues in its current trend, humans could be eating some of that premium kitty food...um, well, maybe not!
AND SPEAKING OF SUPPORTING A CAT
I live in a small apartment, which I chose mainly because they would let me have cats. Pieper and I at this point were inseparable after four years together, so this was a must! The catch (and no, it was not a mouse) was that I pay $20 a month for the privilege, which of course in my opinion was well worth it.
Then one day I noticed that my rent had gone up by another $20! They must have made a mistake...I was already paying for Pieper...had been for months...so I hurried over to the Manager's office and told her of the error on my rent bill. "Sallie," she said patiently, "it's for the covered parking." "But," I responded, "I don't have covered parking! There must be some mistake."
Sure, there was a mistake all right. Pieper apparently thought she needed a covered parking space for her pampered butt!
Cats! Can't live with them, can't live with them.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
From a cat's eye view, the ten steps to good grooming are (and note it is important to follow these exactly):
1. Lick lips.
2. Lick paws.
3. Rub wet paw all over head.
4. Lick other paw.
5. Rub wet paw over other side of head.
6. Lick front legs and shoulder.
7. Lick flanks.
8. Lick private parts.
9. Lick hind legs.
10. Lick tail.
11. Lick humans.
Quoted from "The Cat Manual--A Cat's Eye View of the World" by David Westwood.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
As you can see, she is quite beautiful and knows it. She doesn't do silly things like wear limes on her head; however, that persona does very well in garnering her attention, so she often uses it to her advantage--which, as we all know--cats do so well.
Pieper is my inspiration for almost everything I do in my life. She is my example for giving unconditional love, humor, intelligence and gentleness of spirit.