WENZEL THE CAT

Wentzel...like most cats, he inspired a whole little book by his owner, Arnold Zimmermann called "Catalog - Gaffer's Book of Improbable Cats". This small volume, published by Schoolhouse Press in 1987, features drawings by Mr. Zimmermann and his interpretations of Wentzel's moods and poses. Today's entry features Wentzel as:

"CATATONIC"

GOODBYE 2008

Pieper and I hope that you all had a nice Christmas and are looking forward to the new year ahead...

With all the food around for the holidays, I thought it might be time to remind us humans that our little furbabies--much as they might like eating off our plates--probably shouldn't.

Pieper loves pizza crust, roast beef, salsa, sesame shrimp (when she can tear it out of my hot little hands), among other delicacies that she can procure with a cute blink and the rub-up-against mommy action. Little scamp! Oh, wait...are only boy cats scamps? Well, then, she must a scampi!

COMMON FOODS THAT CAN HARM YOUR PETS:
Alcohol--no brainer here; does damage to humans too.
Fruit seeds and stems--apples, apricots, cherries, peaches and plums--contain cyanide type compound.
Avocados--no more guacamole for Pieper--very, very toxic for the little ones.
Baking powder and baking soda - serious potassium problems, heart failure & muscle spasms.
Chocolate--probably the best known food item to cause problems for our pets.
Coffee grounds and beans--caffeine toxicity.
Fatty foods--can cause pancreatitis
Dairy products--not highly toxic, but can produce symptoms similar to lactose intolerance in humans.
Grapes and raisins--often found in breads during the holidays.
Macadamia nuts--as few as six can cause severe toxic reactions.
Moldy or spoiled foods--nuff said.
Mushrooms.
Nutmeg--often used in holiday cooking.
Onions and Garlic--all forms are problematic, be they frozen, fresh, dehydrated. This warning includes using garlic as flea control.
Yeast dough--they are speaking here of raw yeast dough...yeast raises in the stomach, ferments and alcohol is produced--causing alcohol toxicity.

There is a wonderful website called www.petplace.com. They have a very extensive collection of what can harm your pet, what the symptoms are and what to do if these are ingested!

Do not use Ibuprofen or Tylenol!

Have a great day!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Well, due to an unexpected cold onset, I was unable to finish our ninth through twelve day of Christmas Party. However, Pieper and I wish you and yours a wonderful, blessed Christmas. May God's peace be with you now and throughout the coming year.

THE SOMETHING DAY OF CHRISTMAS PARTY

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

THE EIGHTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS PARTY

Surely, Sallie had misheard the lyrics as she dozed in the chair…but no, the doorbell rings and there stand “Jingles”, the neighborhood St. Bernard…Around his neck was a little keg…we suspect it was peppermint schnapps, but Sallie immediately confiscated the cask AND his keys…and ordered him to stay the night…

“K-9 Bob will get after you,” Sallie warned Jingles, “if he catches you with that keg.” Jingles agreed to stay the night and joined the party, leading the singing with, “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus…arf, arf, barf, barf..”

That Jingles has a heart of gold and he’s got big bells to boot!

THE SEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS PARTY

TA DA…to the rescue…K-9 Bob! Ready and capable to handle all traffic, K-9 Bob took his job very seriously, calling in the back-up pups from his precinct to help with the rescue.

Finally, the three Pink Poodles were freed and everyone clamored into the house. Homemade Dog Banana Biscotti (to go with the peppermint cocoa of course) were very popular as everyone gathered around the fireplace…

As Sallie drifted off to dose in a chair, she heard the critters singing, “Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle’s on the way….”

THE SIXTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS PARTY

We found these lovely ladies stuck in the gutter…those rubber boots just couldn’t move fast enough and they froze where they stood!

The guests snugged up their coats and ventured forth into the frozen tundra…but wait! They needed some traffic control as they dug the three pink poodles out of the gutter…but we had not an extra guest to help…so….(to be continued)

A WARNING TO DOG OWNERS

On June 22, 2008 , a 10-year old lab mix, Chai, sustained a severe injury from a product that the company Four Paws, Inc., produces. The toy being referenced is the pimple ball with bell (Item #20227-001, U PC Cod e #0 4566320227 9). We understand that it has been recalled and is no longer available; however, you may still have one or two of these in your house.

THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS PARTY

Oops, had a little too much catnip? Escaped from Broadway? Went to a Mary Kay party?

Nope, just showed up early for a New Year’s Masquarade! Pieper, being the perfect hostess, donned her favorite masque and the two meowed the night away.

THE FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS "PAWTY"

Yes, look at those paws! This little girl is going to grow into them, we hope, or she’s going to be teased more about her paws than her ears!

Our little friend, Whirly, helps us out in the “coat” room at the office, checking for fleas, burrs and other minutia that have a habit of coming along for the ride.

When asked what her favorite treat the party was, Whirly enthused, "Oh, Pieper is just the best cook on the block, but I loved the Homemade Dog Icy Paws the best!”

THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS PARTY

After tasting some Tuna Tidbits, Sandy took a look at Charlie (sound asleep) and wandered around, waiting for other guests to arrive…As several hit the front door, Sandy found the office, and decided to just “check into her Bonanzle store, just for a second, thinking she might have sold something,”…however, it looks as though she was having a little trouble with her server.

When asked how she enjoyed the party, she said, “#@#$%#$%#$%^” internet…why don’t you get a decent connection?”

THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS PARTY

Meet Charlie 4 Paws, our resident Old Man. He is 17 years old. Charlie arrived at the party early because his Access-a-Ride driver had to get home for dinner…but it was okay ‘cause Charlie mainly lays around a lot anyway, and doesn’t get underfoot.

Although Charlie is retired from the office, Pieper is very fond of him as they lived together one…just friends, of course, so she always invites him to our parties.

When asked what he thought of the party the next day, Charlie replied, “What party?” blinking blearily at us. “The office party,” Pieper snapped, impatient! “Oh,” answered Charlie, yawning lazily. “That was a party? I’ve had more fun at the vets.”

Communication may be reestablished between Pieper and Charlie before the next office party. Stay tuned.

TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS PARTY

The official Pieper’s Place Christmas Party was held on Saturday, December 14. Over the next twelve days, we will introduce you to the partygoers and give some dog and cat eye-views of what a party it was!

The menu was “appawsed” by some; dissed by others, but no dog or cat can say that there wasn’t something for everyone:

For the doggies:

Homemade Dog Bone Bonanzas (of course!)
Homemade Bacon Bits for Dogs
Homemade Dog Bad Breath Banishers
Homemade Dog Banana Biscotti (to go with the peppermint cocoa of course)
Homemade Dog Icy Paws

For the kitties:

Homemade Savory Cheese Treats
Chick N’Biscuits
Crispy Liver Morsels
Tuna Tidbits
Catnip Punch

The neighbors finally called the police when they heard all the animals yowling and howling the following:

TWELVE DOG DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

One the twelfth day of Christmas
My Owner gave to me
Eleven Frisbees flying
Ten cats for chasing
Nine bones for chewing
Eight ropes for tugging
Seven scraps-a-spilling
Six fleas-a-dying
Five puppy friends
Four falling squirrels
Three mailmen
Two tennis balls
And a fire hydrant so I can pee.

I mean, even the cats! Fortunately for me, I work for the PD, so no official noise disturbance report was filed. I was asked, however politely, to call off the dogs and go to bed.

SLEEPING WITH YOUR CAT?

"A cat is convinced it can waken you without actually disturbing you--by licking your eyelids gently, by prizing them open with careful claws, or by ramming its foot up your nose." (Pam Brown)

WAKING UP THE SERVANTS -- Advice by Pieper Erin

Believe it or not, humans are totally lazy beings, willing to stay in bed past 5:00 a.m. if necessary. Saturdays and Sundays are even worse! I think humans miss the whole point of sleep. They need to take "cat naps" seventeen or eighteen hours a day, then they would be available to play with us in our "up" time.

Anyway, I digress...in order to have our breakfast when we wish, we must learn to be creative in ways to "accidentally" wake up our humans. There is, of course, the traditional face-lick, but if this isn't your style, then try treading (or making donuts if you will--do you know any human who would turn down fresh donuts?) on the face, or stomach--very unsubtle, but almost always effective. Of course, there have been times when I've had to use my considerable athletic qualities to avoid falling on the floor if said human should "accidentally" push me away and roll over to go back to sleep.

So, assuming that you are unceremoniously dumped off the bed, there are several other ways to get your human out of that bed in record time. These include: walking along the dresser, knocking perfume bottles over with your tail (ooops, accidentally of course), howling near their ears (oh, I'm sorry Mommy...can you hear me now????), climbing under the sheets and biting toes (disgusting as that prospect is given that they haven't taken their morning shower yet--yuck).

And then, if you must resort to crawling along the ground, dying of hunger and your human still will not respond, considering playing with their toys....yep, nothing will get them out of bed faster than hearing that annoying beep of an off-the-hook phone, the musical sound their computer makes as it is shutting down....improperly of course...or, for a more satisfying, long-term effect, crawl up on the keyboard and go to some "naughty" sites and run up a bill, or better yet, learn how to dial "1-900." Hehehe.

Oh, just a reminder....it is imperative that YOU, at all times, maintain a loving, adoring stance as you gaze at their purple faces...rub against their legs, beg to be picked up...in order words, kitties, LOOK CUTE! You may be sneering behind your whiskers, but don't EVER, EVER let them see you sweat!

(Thanks to David Westwood for the inspiration)

AND YOU THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS...

THE LARGEST CAT LITTER - YIKES!

The largest recorded number of kittens born in a lifetime of fertility to a single female cat is 420! Ouch....how does this kitty girl keep her girlish figure?

DID YOU KNOW??

In an average year, cat owners in the US spend $215 billion on cat food--and $295 million on kitty litter--and that's for the cat! If the economy continues in its current trend, humans could be eating some of that premium kitty food...um, well, maybe not!

AND SPEAKING OF SUPPORTING A CAT

I live in a small apartment, which I chose mainly because they would let me have cats. Pieper and I at this point were inseparable after four years together, so this was a must! The catch (and no, it was not a mouse) was that I pay $20 a month for the privilege, which of course in my opinion was well worth it.

Then one day I noticed that my rent had gone up by another $20! They must have made a mistake...I was already paying for Pieper...had been for months...so I hurried over to the Manager's office and told her of the error on my rent bill. "Sallie," she said patiently, "it's for the covered parking." "But," I responded, "I don't have covered parking! There must be some mistake."

Sure, there was a mistake all right. Pieper apparently thought she needed a covered parking space for her pampered butt!

Cats! Can't live with them, can't live with them.

TEN STEPS TO GOOD GROOMING

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." (Missy Dizik)

From a cat's eye view, the ten steps to good grooming are (and note it is important to follow these exactly):

1. Lick lips.
2. Lick paws.
3. Rub wet paw all over head.
4. Lick other paw.
5. Rub wet paw over other side of head.
6. Lick front legs and shoulder.
7. Lick flanks.
8. Lick private parts.
9. Lick hind legs.
10. Lick tail.

OPTIONAL EXTRA:

11. Lick humans.

Quoted from "The Cat Manual--A Cat's Eye View of the World" by David Westwood.

WELCOME TO PIEPER'S PLACE

"Cats allow us to love them, for which we should be duly grateful." Anne Taylor Browne

I would first of all like to introduce you to the REAL Pieper Erin. This Princess is thirteen years old.

As you can see, she is quite beautiful and knows it. She doesn't do silly things like wear limes on her head; however, that persona does very well in garnering her attention, so she often uses it to her advantage--which, as we all know--cats do so well.

Pieper is my inspiration for almost everything I do in my life. She is my example for giving unconditional love, humor, intelligence and gentleness of spirit.